but the lizard people decide everything anyway
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
