just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize