So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
