apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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