For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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