you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
