): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
