new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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