Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
