All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
