i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
