I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
