Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
