I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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