I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
