I wish my penis had an off switch
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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