Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you would pick up someone in the library
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
