You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize