i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
