Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to make out with him forever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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