The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
