i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
