We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
