I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
