he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize