why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we should paint friendship bongs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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