you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
