My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
