what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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