just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dignity is for republicans.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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