he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
