i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
