I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize