Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They have beer where we have blood.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
