Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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