he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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