The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
