I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
