fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
