we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
