i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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