yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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