He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
