I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
