Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
