If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
