I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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