census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
