i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
