Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
