How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
