Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
