so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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