Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
