So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
