New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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