it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
