update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
