I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
