SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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