Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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