guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize