You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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