I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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