i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
