I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
