where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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