Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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